For so long I felt broken
Shut away inside my head,
Anxiety and dependence,
Never left my side, nor my bed.
I met you when we were younger,
When I needed someone there.
Not someone to love me,
But to prove that I could share.
Not my heart nor my worries,
my true self nor my fears.
But that I could bring someone pleasure.
Feel wanted after all these years.
We fought and things were messy,
You were not perfect too.
But by convincing and by crying
We made it through a year or few.
Yet even in my darkness,
Or the uncertainty you felt in you
Somehow we had already found
what was needed to pull us through.
We were too young, too simple
To see exactly what went on
Then you found another
and the next moment I was gone.
There were months and days of loneliness,
Of searching for what made me me.
And through all the pain and suffering
I felt finally I was free.
Free from the need
To prove myself.
My worth, my body, my pride.
From hours of being surrounded alone
The broken me had died.
In the puddles of the clearing storm
That had doused the embers of those lies
I saw myself for who I was
And wanted you by my side.
No longer because I was afraid
Of ever being alone
No longer because I needed you
To provide me with a home.
No longer because my worth was measured
By the pleasures I could give
But because I loved myself
And myself I could forgive.
And now I’ve let me love you
And have found a new fear you see,
Because in my honest loving I need to set you free.
Free to learn and become yourself
To break new ground and grow,
And when you return full circle
Will you love me?
I don’t know.
And even while I pen this
I want to censor and to lie.
To never quite let you know
How I feel inside.
But the thing about truly growing
And letting my fears free,
Is that regardless of the outcome
My strength still lies in me.
So when you leave and live your life
Like I left and lived mine.
I will wait with with patient breath.
Our love will come in time.
And whether it be romance,
A marriage of passion and fire
Or a plain and simple friendship
I know I will survive.
Because no matter what the seasons bring,
Should it be heart make or break
I know that I have truly loved
And that will soothe all aches.
And yet this is a love poem,
Though one not common to see,
Because to really love you,
In all honesty I must be me