Dearest Back of mine.

Why do you hurt me so?

I understand that everyone has a breaking point. That no matter how strong and resilient one is there will be a time when enough is enough. I don’t expect you to carry the weight of the world because that’s not your job, and shoulders can handle it. I don’t expect you to support every straw, I’m not a camel. If you could have simply held out while I enjoy my adventure time however, that would have been great.

I know I’ve been jumping from back to back activities- throwing myself off cliffs and climbing through ruined villages, up steep and rocky hills. I am sure it has been a strain. I suppose that I may have backed the wrong horse when I decided to take a dive off that boat into the ocean blue; I knew you have a history of sensitivity, and tend to be easily upset. But dear Back of mine, why did you have to take it so seriously? You know I didn’t mean to hurt you – you bruise easily, and I was trying to be gentle. But I couldn’t back out, the urge was too strong. The splash was seductive, the adrenaline alluring. I had to take the plunge. And now you’re making me pay for it.

You’re getting your own back, with the aches and pains and constant twinges. I don’t understand your spite Back, when you must be aware that it was never my intent to cause you discomfort. Maybe you feel unappreciated, because I don’t spend enough time stretching you out, or preserving your health. You’ve forced my hand, and against the wall I stand. I have to spend one on one time with you now. If that was what you wanted, all you had to do is ask. I may not express myself well, but I do love you. Now please, get off my back about it.

I need you back, Back. I am young and energetic and playful – all of the things you allow me to be. You are the support I long for in the long hours behind the bar, the strength I savour when climbing the cave walls in the afternoons. Without you I am nothing. I cannot even dance with my friends after working; how else can I bring sexy back? You’ve made your point, and I do truly appreciate you more than ever. I will look after you, even though I believe this tantrum unnecessary. I hope next time you choose to warn me gently off your ill ease, before getting your back up about everything. I’m not asking you to back down, but just be a little more laid back, otherwise after every fight it will be back to square one. And I want to move forward with you, not in reverse.

Return to me back- I’ve put you out and now it’s time to come in.

Yours sincerely and forever,

Caitlin

 

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